I’ve been watching a lot of dance videos lately and remembering what it was like to go to dance class, have recitals, and eventually dance on the dance team. It’s sometimes weird to think that I’ll never be able to dance again and I think that’s why I like to revisit those days. I think I stopped dancing around 2009, but I’m still not sure of the exact year. I know I stopped for sure by 2011 because I went away to school.

I was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy in 2015 and started using assistive devices like a mobility scooter in 2017, but I still come across days when I feel like being able to walk, dance, or run was so long ago. It feels like forever ago and new all at the same time sometimes. But I’ll never forget the lead up to a performance and the buzz of excitement backstage.

There’s nothing quite like the mix of nervousness and the anticipation you feel before a dance recital. I remember getting ready backstage and I was always so hopeful and happy for that feeling of walking out on stage, finding my spot, and that pang of nervousness that hits right when the lights go up and a second before the music starts.

I’m reading a book right now called “Kisses and Croissants” by Anne-Sophie Jouhanneau and it reminded me of those feelings of dancing, one I haven’t been able to feel in a long time. The author writes about how you’d practice for months just for a few minutes on stage, but the main character wouldn’t trade that for anything. That’s exactly how I felt. The story is set in Paris and it’s about a teenager who is going to a ballet school. I only did ballet when I was younger, but that same feeling of getting ready and excited for a performance no matter what style of dance is still the same.

I remember when I heard that my dance class would be combining with some others to do a dance to the song, “I Hope I Get It” from A Chorus Line. It was two years before I was on the dance team and the first time I’d get to dance to a song from a musical.

In honor of Throwback Thursday, you can watch my dance from my 2003 dance recital by clicking here! I’m in the middle in the back row with the white tank top.

It’s hard to imagine where any of us will be in five, ten, or fifteen years, but lately I’ve been remembering some of my favorite times from the past and looking forward to new adventures.